I haven’t spent a lot of time in Africa, and my trips have been short and sporadic over the years. Here’s a flavour of what I remember!
Guinea
I went to Guinea on one of my Alcatel Y2K upgrade trips in December 1999. I was on my own, and while everything went smoothly, things were a bit odd and it’s the most culture shock I’ve ever experienced. I had a driver to ferry me about, so that was all fine – pick up at the Novotel, get out of the central city (decent-ish roads), past the military compounds (all in good order) past the football stadium/public execution site (in need of repair), past the abattoir (sorry, thin cows, and not a good odour) and you were there at the offices of Sotelgui. Rahime Diallo was the client contact, who was very pleasant and desperately keen to be employed outside Guinea. I hope he has prospered in the intervening years – he sent me a postcard along with a photo he took, bless him.
The job itself went pretty smoothly so after a couple of days I was done. This was not a relaxing break, however. Back in 1999, you needed to have films on DVD – I may have had a couple, I can’t recall. I did have a few books, and remember enjoying one of the Jeeves & Woosters while reclining by the pool. There was no beach at the hotel, just black, sucking mud in the immediate vicinity. I probably could have gone for a stroll, but I was intimidated by, well, everything, including the two Sierra Leone guys who loitered round the bar and gave me a sob story (I don’t doubt they were genuine exiles, but what was I supposed to do after giving them a bit of money?) should I hove into view. I ended up asking them to bring me some local wood carvings which I’d then pay them for – everyone wins. I did this, but the carvings were…not good. I still have the ebony turtle I got from the hotel gift shop, of which I am fond.
The week dragged on, never more so than when I descended in the lift heading to the airport to see a sign “Air France flight – not happening today”. Oh dear. This message was repeated the following day. I was getting pretty bored by then, but not sufficiently to accept the alternative offer of flying home via Air Afrique. The next day we were in business. A French chap who I hadn’t met during the week was on the same flight – he got pretty stressed about check-in and stuff, I was obliviously calm and somehow we ended up sitting together in Club. He worked for Alcatel so we had a decent chat. Most amazingly, the Airbus A420 had a bar area THAT YOU COULD SMOKE IN. This was pretty much unheard of, even back then! Fortunately my seatmate had some cigarettes, so I joined him for a fag and a chat at 30,000 feet or whatever it was. I also remember narrowly making the connection at Paris CDG to get back to London and thereby sort of bonding with the two chaps doing the same. I exchanged cards with the distinguished, older man whose named him as Bertrand de Speville, Anti-Corruption consultant. I still have that business card, and I see that following a dazzlingly brilliant career, he passed away in March 2020.
Oh, I remember the flight out had a brief stopover in Nouakchott, Mauritania. We didn’t get off the plane, so while I saw the Mauritanian sky through the open door, I did not set foot on the ground, so cannot claim to have visited it.
South Africa
I visited Johannesburg/Pretoria a bunch of times from, I guess, 2001-2005, working with our local office to service our clients Vodacom and Cell-C. Always extremely hospitable times there, and my visits always coincided with off-site entertainment for clients, typically at bush-style lodges/game reserves to add in a bit of safari, rafting and of course braais. I was always based around Sandton and Midrand, but on one occasion I was taken back to the airport off the highway and through Alexandria, which was an eye-opener – suddenly you were out of wealthy, Euramerican-style surroundings and dumped properly back in Africa!
In Sandton, I remember the mall there and a great square with a ton of restaurants including the legendary Butcher’s Shop, which was also a butcher’s shop as well as a fine meat-based restaurant. All kinds of unusual game on the menu – I remember eating kudu there, as well as strong boerewors (like little chorizos, served hot). I also remember, I think the first time I went there, a fairly raucous evening ensuing from the client workshop which involved semi-competitive fire-breathing with Stroh rum, and dance floor sharking to Jamiroquai’s Cosmic Girl and Avril Lavigne’s Sk8r Boi.
We took a drive to Sun City another time – nice enough, but not the kind of place (basically one single Vegas casino) I’d normally drive for 3 hours (or was it more?) to go to.
Only once did I wangle a weekend in Cape Town, and it was well worth it. Loved the boutique hotel, the walkability of the place, the mountain and the sea, of course. And I remember going for a run, which didn’t seem insane (running in Jo’burg, obviously, is, unless it’s from something/someone).
Morocco
I was in Morocco in July 2009 as a reward trip for the European business of Specific Media. We stayed at a hotel called Les Jardins de La Koutoubia. The flight there was via Casablanca and the connecting flight was delayed, leading to a few of the lads (with whom I became affiliated, for some reason) knocking back duty free rum with whatever mixers we could acquire from the tiny kiosk. This was a heck of a trip, I guess about 50 young and attractive folk (not me, of course, but most of the others) from multiple countries together in the sunshine. Quad bikes in the desert, scavenger hunt activity in the souk and lashings of booze and borderline unprofessional behaviour. I remember the soundtrack of the weekend revolved around Pittbull’s “I know you want me”.
Egypt
I went to Cairo a few times for work in the early 2000s. I was always working for Vodafone Egypt whilst there, and usually stayed in Maadi in a hotel over the Corniche (the road that runs alongside the Nile). Horns blaring literally 24 hours a day, even if traffic was moving!
The first time, I booked Saddam, a taxi driver, who ran me around all day for next to nothing. I went to various places, the Egyptian museum, mosque-madrassas with incredibly ornate, refined architecture. He also took me to a perfume shop where they gave me a good spiel about using pure oils (of which there are, literally, only a couple of dozen, which are then blended and mixed with solvent to give every eau de parfum there is). Anyway, I was convinced enough to buy some, most of which I still have! I also went to the Gayer Andrson Museum, which was enjoyable anyway, but with the added frisson of being very obviously where the quick romance/lady being shot scene happens in The Spy Who Loved Me. The James Bond vibe continued with an evening trip to the pyramids – I was amazed that the sound and light show had the same voiceover (“The Pyramids of Kefren!” Dan dan daaaaan) as in the film, some 30 years or so later. I wonder if it’s still the same, some 20 years or so later still.
Having Saddam drive me around was the best thing. On another occasion I walked around, and got a proper, very polite, swindling experience, where a shop owner having asked me “is that the Cairo museum?” (he was the Cairene, not I) launched into how much he liked the British versus the Americans, and I must come to his home, he would be mortally offended if I didn’t. On being bustled there and given tea, it then became “but this is my shop, you must buy something, I will be mortally offended otherwise”. I managed to resist everything but a couple of papyrus scrolly things, and it was an amusing rather than intimidating encounter!
I also remember getting back to the airport and some enterprising chap offering to fast-track me past the surging crowds trying to get in the door. Would you believe, the remaining Egyptian pounds in my wallet turned out to be exactly the right price for this service? What were the chances! 🙂 (Seriously, I would have spent twice the amount, had I had it, to avoid the scrum.)
Timsformational 